it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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