your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
