I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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