Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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