I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
