I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
