I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
