Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
