If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
