my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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