he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
