Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
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He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
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Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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