OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
