So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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