You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
