i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
