She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
