its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
