Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
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Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
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It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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