I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
