I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
