I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
