Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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