In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
how does that bad decision feel?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
