Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
