we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
