Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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