I just cut my nipple shaving
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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