can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
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I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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