I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
