2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
