cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
