Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
