I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
