ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
