Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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