good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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