I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
