my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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