Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I will die if light touches me.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
