drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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