She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
