Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
