Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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