so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
