how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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