I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
