He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Everyone says I win the strip club
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My vagina just clenched in fear
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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