On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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