but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
