Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
