my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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