dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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