Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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