i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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