have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
