It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
