Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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