After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
