I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
