She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
