I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
