she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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