the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
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It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
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You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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