Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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