my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
